Responsible Sex means so much more than having protected sex

I have been waiting to meet C for months.  Finally the day was approaching.  We have talked about it for a long time and I’ve been waiting patiently.

A lot of details have been discussed.

As a Dom, I am certain he is exactly what I need.  As a person- he’s a great guy who is really easy to talk to and someone I would consider a friend since we’ve been talking for several months now.

So balancing my checkbook yesterday- I realize that my funds are low.  Very low.  Pay day is in two weeks, funding from school is in 10 days.

Hmmmmm…..  I considered my options in regards to my plans with C.  I could ask that he picks up the room this time, and I could get it next time.

I have been told by more than one friend that the guy should pay for the room.  Always.  Yeah- I don’t sign on to that.

I am an equal partner in my sex life.  This is not a date.  This isn’t my boyfriend.  (Maybe then I would feel different then.) In this case- I would need to split the room cost- or cancel.  I always agree to split the cost of a hotel room.  I have paid for them and a few times had it paid for- but I always offer to pay for at least half and I always have it.

So I emailed C today and humbly told him my situation and said we would have to cancel until when my financial situation is better.  We chatted later in the day and discussed other options.

He was interested in buying one of the best sex toys I have. He would pay for the room- and this would actually put money a decent amount of extra cash in my pocket.

I pondered this idea, but was on the fence because I’m not certain that I want to part ways with what he wanted to buy from me.

Also- it seems somewhat unethical for me to make a profit when I was sent something for review.  I thought about this a little more, but ultimately I told him that I would feel better when money was not at issue.  Not the first time.  Maybe after some time has passed, once we know there will be more times, maybe then we could alternate who pays.

If I can’t afford my half, and the agreement has always been that we would split the cost of a hotel room, then I won’t do it.  Right now, I can’t comfortably afford it.

Before I am anything, I’m a parent.  It’s my responsibility to put food on the table and make sure my family has their basic needs met.

I can’t indulge in my extra curricular activities if it’s going to interfere with my ability to pay my bills. When I’m having sex I don’t want to be thinking about how I’m going to feed my family.  I insist on paying for my part and I feel weird letting someone else pay because I can’t afford it.

C asked me why this was.  He knows how I get my the toys I review on this blog, and didn’t feel at all weird about offering to pay me for something I got for free as well as paying for the room.

He asked if it was because of the overtones about prostitution?

Hmmm- no.

I have had sex for money before.  That doesn’t bother me at all and if that WAS the situation then that would be laid out from the beginning.  I just feel like if I’m going to have this ‘hobby’ I need to be able to afford it.

That’s logical, right?

I have a friend who allows himself to drink and experiment with recreational drugs, just so long as it doesn’t effect the rest of his life.  He cannot be late for work.  He can’t call in sick.  He can’t fail any tests.  I guess in some ways I have these same controls when it comes to my sex life.

What kind of requirements do you put on yourself in order to enjoy your extracurricular (sexual) activities?

Silicone Sex Lube- You’ll Know You Want it

best silicone based lubricants

Finding the perfect lube is not an easy task! There are at least a million different products available, which can be totally overwhelming if you’re not sure what you’re looking for.

The first thing you should consider is what basic formulation is best suited for you – silicone or water-based. While these aren’t the only kind of lubes you’ll find, the majority fall into either category.

Silicone lube rocks!

Silicone lubricants, in my opinion, have a number of advantages compared to a water-based product, but one big downfall. Silicone is a fantastic material for sex toys and we here at Afrobotic rave about it quite frequently.

The only downside is that silicone sex toy + silicone lube = melted silicone mess! I’m not talking about Wicked Witch of the West melting into a puddle, but it will break down and ruin your toy. Therefore, you can’t ever use a silicone-based product with your favorite silicone cock.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s talk about the pros – because despite having a treasure chest full of awesome silicone toys, I still love silicone lube.

My favorite thing is that silicone lube tends to last longer than a water-based product. If you’ve got a good product, you won’t be reaching for the bottle throughout your fun, because this stuff lasts. This is definitely the case if you’re playing in the shower – a water-based product will wash down the drain before you have time to even turn on your vibe!

It’s also a pretty good lube for anal sex because it lasts so much longer. One of the keys to great anal sex is lots of quality lube. This is a lesson that you don’t want to learn the hard way!

Finally, with silicone lube, you’re also less likely to end up a sticky mess during sex. A lot of people will say that water-based lube is more like the natural lubricant a woman creates, and I tend to agree.

Unfortunately, in my experience, you’re also much more likely to end up reapplying or with a sticky situation. Silicone is nice and slick, and it stays that way.

In the long run, it’s important to consider these factors and many others. Chances are no one lube will suit your every need, but with a couple of fantastic favorites, you’re sure to cover your bases!

Which are the best silicone lubricants?

Here are a few of my favorites.

i-Lube Personal Silicone Lubricant

This is definitely a winner for frugal shoppers.

It’s one of my favorites and only $15 for 1.7 ounces. I know that doesn’t sound like a lot, but you only need a couple of drops to keep things running smoothly.

It comes in a convenient (and relatively cute) pump bottle that makes application easy and prevents messes. It’s also odor-free and tasteless, so you don’t have to worry about a mouth full of yuck. You really can’t go wrong with this one.

Pjur Woman Bodyglide

This is one of the best silicone lubricants that is made specifically with women in mind. It’s more gentle for those of you who have sensitive skin and is actually a moisturizer.

It’s very slick, long lasting and will definitely enhance your sex life.


Pjur Eros Light Love

This is a thinner version from Pjur’s Eros line. Like Pjur Woman, it’ll set you up for a night of slippery fun without any weird aftertaste.

Personally, I think it is closer to a woman’s natural lubrication than the regular Eros lube, but probably not as good for anal play because it is thinner. It is also our best lube for fleshlight.

Pjur is without a doubt my favorite brand of lube, but it is a little more expensive. I’ve never heard anyone complain about it and swear that it’s worth the extra cash!

Both Pjur products I’ve suggested here are really great and, to be honest, I probably couldn’t tell them apart in a blind test.

If you have sensitive skin, you should probably stick with the milder Woman, but I highly recommend both. Just a few drops and you’re good to go.

People who don’t use lube don’t know what they’re missing! Even if you don’t think you need it, a quality lube will enhance your bedroom antics and is something every woman should have in their bedroom.

Keep an eye out for a review of water-based lubes, because this silicone slut can’t live without it!

The Goddess

You’ve known her for more than half a year; and you’ve slept with almost everyone who you’ve seen in her immediate vicinity by now. Well, not everyone, but it feels like it.

These were people who you weren’t not attracted to, but they didn’t drive you particularly crazy, either. They were… comfortable. You liked them well enough, but didn’t like them so much that you’d be disappointed if they turned you down.

She was always the one you wanted the most, which was probably why you could never bring yourself to approach her. You remember seeing her dancing at Zeta Mu’s disco party that one time: tall and awkwardly graceful, like a swan who hadn’t quite learned how to cut cleanly through the water.

The press of people made the dancehall hot, and her short brown hair was stuck to her pale skin. Sweat dripped in small rivulets down her neck. This picture will be forever burned into you mind: her shaking her bangs out of her face, glistening beads of moisture flying in the strands’ wake.

She’s renders your alcohol-induced uninhibition absolutely useless. You want to kiss her, tell her how gorgeous she is (the words are on the tip of your tongue), you want to do something but, as drunk as you are, you can’t. You know you’d be too hurt if she rejected you.

The steps you took were tiny. You put your hand on her waist and pulled her close, moving and swaying to the music for mere minutes until the heat rushed to your face and you pulled away. She didn’t follow you…

That night you desperately pulled that slightly dumpy, shy butch girl into kiss; daydreaming as she went down on you in your bed; imagining other people in her place; hating yourself for it afterwards.

Maybe, you ask yourself, you’re working your way up the ladder. Screwing up your courage to finally approach her. But you know all that isn’t really true.

Everyone thinks she’s dominant, even she does. But you’re not fully convinced. She stomps around in her combat boots, yells abuse at her beer pong opponents and mock-spars with her best friend in her spare time. She thinks that starting a real Fight Club would be pretty damn cool.

Underneath all that (all the hardness and Zhenka and cigarette smoke), however, something is a little off. Something about her strikes you as deeply vulnerable. And you realize that she’s akin to an oyster: hard shell. But soft, soft insides. And pearls. That only those who get past her defenses can touch.

Everyone thinks she's dominant, even she does. Click to Tweet

It’s all the Emperor’s fault, really. At least that’s what you tell yourself. In actual fact, you were the one who finally caved and confessed your feelings to her. Once again, it all started with one too many plastic cups of booze at Zeta Mu.

“By the way, I’m insanely attracted to you.” That’s what you said. And not even to her face – you texted her and then left before anything could happen.

The next day, she still hadn’t replied. This was probably her way of indicating her lack of interest. You’d expected as much. Oddly, you didn’t mind. But you felt immensely relieved, like a large weight at been lifted off your chest. (You realized that your desire had been sitting inside of you for all this time; clamouring so loudly you felt as though you’d burst.) She said nothing about it when she saw you next, and you both acted as normal.

…But it didn’t end there, like you’d thought it would. When the Emperor came to visit, he bombarded you with questions about your “newfound” attraction. (It had been one of the first things she’d mentioned to him upon his arrival.)

And then he decided that you and she would be a very good idea, so started attempting to not-so-subtly get the two of you together. (As in: telling her more about you and picking you up, unceremoniously dumping you in front of her, and announcing that the two of you should hurry up and hook up already.)

Nothing happened until two weeks after the Emperor had left. It started with a few emails. Then lunch. Then the inevitable conversations about your views on sex, hooking up, having a “fluid” sexuality, women (and how frustrating they could be). You can usually never tell when someone is interested in you, but once the “sexual & relationship history” conversation happens, that’s a pretty good indicator. You felt like you were being evaluated…

To be continued…

First Time Anal Sex Guide for the Exploratory Guy and Girl

First time anal sex guide

Communication & relaxation are keys for the most erotic & pleasurable anal experience. Both you and your partner should have a middle ground, both of you need to be relaxed and open for discussion.

Vanishing both your fears and straightening out the myths are essential, especially if one or both of you are concerned about it. Continue reading “First Time Anal Sex Guide for the Exploratory Guy and Girl”

Want to Improve Your Sex Life? Sex Toys & Lubricants will do the Trick…Quick!

improve your sex life

Every relationship reaches a plateau. Your sex life losses it’s spice after being together for a long time. Keeping the passion in your bedroom saves your relationship over all.

If you are doing the same techniques over and over again, you loose the edge of being aroused. It is just sex and no longer great sex. Ever heard of this phase…”I wish it will be over so we all can go to sleep.”

Continue reading “Want to Improve Your Sex Life? Sex Toys & Lubricants will do the Trick…Quick!”

Babeland Edible Body Chocolate: A review

Babeland edible body chocolate

Here’s the thing…I am not at all a chocoholic (what the fuck, spell check?  Since when is that a word?).

I like a little bit every now and then, but most of the time I can just do without.

Also, I am not really a fan of mixing food and fucking.  I mean, I can appreciate the sensuality that goes along with being fed by a lover, but I am not into licking whipped cream off of body parts or incorporating food into the actual act of sex. No thanks. Continue reading “Babeland Edible Body Chocolate: A review”

Bed Wetting Alarms – Many Kinds To Choose From

best bedwetting alarm

Bedwetting alarms are really efficient at preventing bed wetting, whether it is in children, teenagers or adults.

However, before parents resort to using bedwetting alarms to wake the child from sleep at the first sign of bedwetting, they should get the child checked out by a doctor.

This is to make sure that medication or an underlying problem is not the cause of the enuresis, which is the medical name for nocturnal bedwetting.

For most children the sensation of having to use the bathroom is alarm enough to wake them from sleep. For those that wet the bed, bed wetting alarms have proven to be very effective. Bed wetting alarms are useful, but not a compete answer.

Using bedwetting alarms

There are several ways you can use the best bedwetting alarms. Even though the child wears the bedwetting alarm on his or her nightclothes, it can be loud enough to wake parents so that they can get the child up in time to go to the bathroom.

These bedwetting alarms go off with the first detection of moisture, helping the child not to wet the bed.

The idea behind using these bedwetting alarms is that eventually the child will learn to detect the need to urinate and will wake up on his or her own.

Parents and children have reported improvement in children’s wetting the bed within two weeks after using bedwetting alarms.

Reduce emotional distress

Bedwetting alarms help to make enuresis less traumatic for both children and adults. When children can wake up using the alarm, they feel better about themselves because they are embarrassed. It also makes it easier on the parents and children with cleanup in the morning.

As they used to waking up instead of wetting the bed, they will feel so proud of themselves and want to keep using the alarms. The bedwetting alarms do treat the problem of bedwetting rather than just treat the symptoms of the problem.

Bed wetting alarms should make themselves redundant

When you use bedwetting alarms, you do have to wear special underpants so that you will not wet the sheets. The sensor on the alarm emits a sound loud enough to wake the child so that he/she can scramble out of bed and hurry to the bathroom.

These bed wetting alarms can be set so that they will not wake another child sleeping in the same room. The idea is that the child will learn to anticipate the alarm going off and if this happens at about the same time every night, waking up at that time can become a habit.

Within two or three months of use, it is possible that the child will no longer need to use a bed wetting alarm at all. The whole idea of bed wetting alarms is to make themselves redundant.

There are many different manufacturers of bed wetting alarms. All of them are not alike, so you may have to experiment with a few models of bedwetting alarms before you find one that works best for your household.

What you do have to realize is that the alarm that works for one child may not necessarily work for another. You should not dismiss the whole idea if the first bed wetting alarm you buy is not effective. You have to choose one of the bed wetting alarms that your child feels comfortable using and one that does wake the child out of a deep sleep.